::know your worth::

As I sit down to write this post, I am currently eating alone. I’m sure some of you cringe at the thought thinking, “oh, she must be so lonely”. Or perhaps you are wondering why I don’t have anybody to sit with. Or maybe you’re happy that the last meal you ate wasn’t by yourself. Maybe you’re thinking none of those things, but I can tell you that the people around me in this very crowded dining hall sure are pondering why I am alone. I know because they are looking at me. Luckily, it doesn’t bother me, but at one time it did. As I take a moment to look around, there is one thing, and one thing only that stands out, and that is that everybody has a partner. Someone to sit and eat with, whether it is one other person or four, nobody else is alone, but me. Is this odd or normal though? That is my question.

I often think that we, as a society, or at least my age group (18-24) underestimate the importance of taking some time for yourself. We become self conscious at the idea of not being surrounded by our “friends”, not having someone immediately there to talk to. We don’t want to look like we are sad because we are by ourselves. In reality, though, I think being alone in the face of others who are not is essential to better understanding yourself.

If you think about it, what else is more stripping than being around others when you yourself are by yourself? I don’t think anything. For me, an observer, it is quite fascinating to look around and understand what you see.

When you strip it all down, you begin to realize that each and every person is essentially the same. Especially in this new time of college, I look around and see most of my peers trying so hard. What are they trying to do? Be cool? It’s not even that. Everyone is just trying to fit in. Somewhere, anywhere. And this is the peril in new friendships. You so easily get locked into a group of people simply because they accept you. Do you like them? Sure, they’re fine. Do you have fun with them? Sometimes. Do they “get” you? Probably not. But they hang out with you and you walk places together and eat together and hang out in the lounge together. Why? So that you don’t have to be by yourself. So that you don’t have to face yourself. That’s why. And I get it, nobody wants to spend their whole life alone. So to some extent, you have to hang out with them, because without them you have no face to face companionship, but at the same time, you don’t want to spend every waking minute with them because you have to appear like you’re also in the market for meeting new people. But it’s hard to find that balance, nearly impossible actually. I struggle with that now, and probably will for a long time. I am always caught in between friends, because there are many sides to my personality, and I know that I need to be able to foster all sides of it, and I do that a lot with friends. But i’m picky. Because I know what I deserve and I can tell you that that is one of the most important things that you can ever do for yourself. Know your worth. This applies to not only friendships, but who you date and where you work: evaluate the way you are treated and if it’s not what you want, adjust it. And the way to do that is to know who you are, know what you will and will not stand for, and don’t take the shit that people will deal to you.

This has become, in some sorts, a rant that has nothing to do with dining alone, but the last thing I will say is to just try it. You might be surprised.

That’s all for now, mainly because I have finished my dinner.

With love, lots of it.